Stopping at Nothing
Bholanath's bulls froze as though
a red traffic light had just lit up right in the middle of the paddy field.
Anxious to get the ploughing done before the day got much hotter, Bholu slapped
them smartly on their backs. But the bulls refused to budge. He let go of the
plough's wooden handle and walked to the front; there was no one and nothing
blocking their path.
Bholu pulled out some fodder from
the bag around one bull's neck and offered it to them. Uncharacteristically,
both bulls shook their heads. Now thoroughly irritated, Bholu delivered a hefty
kick to their rumps. The bulls bellowed and veered off to the left, yanking the
plough clear out of the soil and dragging it behind them.
'What kind of mad behaviour is
this!' Bholu wondered. He took the bulls to the farthest end of the field and
came ploughing from there. Five, six of the runs went off well. But as the
bulls approached the centre of the furrowed paddy field, they came to a dead
halt again. He walked around to the front once more and checked the ground
closely. No pits, no stones.
Absolutely nothing.
Bholu got back behind the bulls
and whacked them with his thin stick and shoved and pushed – 'Hirrrrr…huuuuuuuiiiiii….'
This time, wide-eyed and snorting
in terror, the bulls turned to the right and went galloping off across the
field towards the village.
Bholu, his wife and their bulls
lived in a little thatched hut at the outer edge of Keri village. The paddy
field was just a five-minute walk from home.
The bulls feared Bholu. Bholu
feared his wife.
'Now you're blaming the bulls?
Lazy fucker! Can't earn two paise even! Arre,
look at Chandu, such a smart man. Only because Chandu comes to our help, we are
okay.'
To avoid listening to his wife's
harangues, Bholu rose next morning at the break of dawn, fed and groomed his
bulls and went with them to his field. But once again, the ploughing did not go
well.
Bholu dug up the left side of the
field and then the right side. The area in the middle remained untouched. The
bulls simply refused to go there. Bholu tethered his bulls to a tree at the
edge of the field and went to his neighbour's house for help.
'O Madhu! Madhu, re!'
Madhu emerged from his hut.
'Please lend me your bulls.'
'What's wrong with your bulls,
then?'
'Nothing. I will bring them back
soon, in two hours.'
'Take them, then.' Madhu
scratched his head and went back inside.
Madhu's bulls knew Bholu and he
had no trouble harnessing them. They trotted willingly ahead of him as he
turned them towards the field. But as he led them to the island of unploughed
soil the new bulls began lowing, and with an eerie keening sound, they too stood
their ground a few feet away from the spot where Bholu could only see thin air.
A smack with the stick didn't
help. A butt kick didn't either. After Bholu had slapped them several times,
the bulls slowly reversed and went back the way they came.
Bholu scratched his scrawny
buttocks and pondered the situation.
'Eh, Bholanath!' He heard a
familiar voice. Madhu came by, smoking a bidi.
'What's going on, bhai?'
'They are not willing to do the
middle.'
'Hettt! I will show you,' Madhu
said. 'Ehhh Kallyah…ehhh Lonngya …ahurrrrr …. hirrrrrriaaaaahhhh!'
But though Madhu danced and
waltzed with his bulls this way and that, the same thing repeated itself. So
Madhu and Bholu went home scratching their heads.
That evening at the village
tavern, Madhu shared the story. Everyone sitting around with their pegs of feni
had a comment to make.
'There must be something in Bholu's
field…'
'Someone must have buried some
gold there…'
'Something is trying to get onto
Bholu…'
'The way Chandu tries to get onto
Bholu's wife…?'
'Shut up, mad fellows!' Shembu
the witchdoctor roared from a darkened corner. 'What are you chattering about!
Don't you see what's happening? Bholu's field lies at the border of the
village! Where do you think the Guardian lives?'
A hush fell on all those present;
they exchanged worried glances. Madhu even poured a little feni on the ground,
to appease in advance any spirit that chose to appear.
'Things are not going well in the
village these days…' The witchdoctor stood up with widened eyes glowing like coal
embers. 'Just a few nights back, as I was walking along the edge of the
village, I saw a great blinding light above the trees.'
'The Guardian can turn night into
day…!'
In the other corner, old Bhikumam
said with a gaptoothed smile - 'Arre, there's nothing there…'
'Maybe the Guardian has been
angered,' said Shembu, without heeding the old man. 'Bholya, did you make your sur-rontt offering this year?'
Bholu shook his head. There wasn't
enough gruel to wet their stomachs at home, where would he come up with toddy
and bakri for the sur-rontt!
The night wore on. By the time
they left the tavern, stumbling and colliding with the doorjambs and with each
other, everyone had agreed they should do something about Bholu's problem.
That night an offering of toddy,
coarse bread and incense was placed at the foot of the Tree of the Guardian of
the village.
The next evening, the villagers
accompanied three pairs of bulls to the field. One after the after, the bulls
and the villagers manoeuvred and dodged round and round the field like football
players. The ominous middle patch of land about ten to twelve feet across
remained unscathed. None of the bulls would lay even the shadow of a hoof
there, even though Shembu the witchdoctor had prayed at the spot for a whole hour!
The villagers returned home, greatly mystified.
As Bholu approached his house,
Chandu, the headman of the village panchayat, emerged from within. Just behind
him, Bholu's wife came to the door. She saw her husband and was briefly taken
aback. Then she uttered a forced laugh.
'Look, Chandu has brought
bananas. What a good man, no?'
'Ye, Bholya!' Chandu said. 'Something
funny is happening in your field, I hear?'
The whole village knew that
Chandu ran a numbers gambling business, and poked his finger in everybody else's
house.
Bholu went in without saying a
word.
That night, a lot of feni flowed
at Sazulo's tavern.
'The Guardian's belly is not
filled with the sur-rontt,' the witchdoctor proclaimed. 'We will have to offer
him something more.'
'A cock?' Sadu the barber
volunteered.
'I have a hen,' Madhu stepped
forward. 'You can pay me anytime, Bholya…this badness can affect the whole
village, that's why I'm…'
Bhikumam laughed from his corner.
'How can nothing affect anything!'
Chandu tipped off the schoolmaster.
The schoolmaster tipped off the
local journalist.
The journalist spoke to
Kamarbandh.
Doctor Kamlakar Kantak was indeed
a brilliant and intelligent scientist at Panjim University, but the college
boys, as well as the outside world, knew him better as 'Kamarbandh Kantak'. He
was so brilliant that he could speak at length extempore on any topic. Just
the other day he had delivered a powerful lecture at the National Institute of
Oceanography on 'Goan Fish Curry'. And in the Kala Academy's Black Box Theater
the day before that, he had spoken for an hour and a half on 'White Holes'.
When Bholu went to the field in
the morning, he found a crowd had already gathered there. Chandu, the
schoolmaster, the local journalist, and Dr.Kamarbandh were all there, talking
loudly. Off to one side, Madhu and the other villagers were getting ready with
a hen, some chillies, salt, and a lemon.
Kamarbandh observed the curious
case of Bholu's bulls. Amazed, he too kept running in circles around the field.
'There is certainly something
here,' he admitted at last.
'Shall I publish that?' the
journalist asked.
'Someone has done some magic
here,' said the witchdoctor darkly.
'Some thing has affected the
field,' said another villager.
'Someone is sitting on Bholu's
head.'
'The way Chandu…'
'Shut up!'
Dr.Kamarbandh and his men spent a
good couple of hours walking and running around the field. The villagers
trotted around behind them and finally sacrificed their hen. By noon everyone
returned home for their siesta.
As Bholu entered the house, his
wife berated him – 'Today also you have come early, good-for-nothing fellow!'
Bholu understood. Chandu had been
busy with the journalist and the scientist, or by now there would have been
delicious chikoos in the house.
'How will the bulls go there! The
Guardian is still sitting at that spot,' Shembu the witchdoctor said that night
to the villagers huddled around the warmth of Sazulo's feni. 'We will have to
give him some greater honour.'
Madhu came forward again and got
ready to put up a goat.
Bholu's debt was mounting. He
fell into a resigned silence.
As soon as Bholu arrived at his
field the next dawn, he abandoned all thoughts of ploughing for the day. Some
thirty scientists and fifty or so journalists had massed there. Dr. Kamarbandh
had rigged up a large instrument in the center of the field and was carrying
out tests on the earth below. One of the doctors came up to Bholu and began
closely examining the rear ends of Bholu's bulls.
Close to Dr. Kamarbandh's
machine, the villagers were preparing to sacrifice their goat. Chandu pranced
to and fro between the two groups.
'These damn fellows should be
driven from here,' Madhu told Chandu. 'They come to this holy land and make
such a noise!'
'Get these lunatics away, man!'
Kamarbandh said to Chandu. 'Such a significant event has taken place here and
these nuts are dancing with a goat!'
The hullabaloo continued through
the day.
At about four in the afternoon,
Kamarbandh let out a triumphant yell. All the scientists gathered around the
machine's screen and began to jump about in joy.
'Look!' Kamarbandh shouted to
Chandu. 'There is something on this spot! We can see it on this screen. Like a
flattened ball, about eight feet long and five feet in height.'
Bholu, Madhu and the other
villagers were puzzled. They could not see anything in the middle of the paddy
field. Chandu too did not understand why the scientists were jumping about, but
as head of the panchayat he knew his responsibilities: he stood up and began to
give a speech.
'Our village will become known
all over the world now,' he pointed out. 'From now on, if anybody wants to do
anything here, the government will have to support our panchayat with help and
money. If our village is going to be famous, we also must progress and prosper!'
Then Chandu went to the assembled
villagers and made another speech. 'Let us build a great temple here in honour
of the Guardian,' he said. 'I will propose this to the panchayat, and they will
pass it. These doctors and the government will give us money. And I will build
it.'
By the time Bholu reached home
that evening, his wife was grumbling and fretting restlessly. Bholu understood.
Chandu had been totally occupied in the progress and prosperity of the village.
Otherwise there would have been a basketful of ripe papayas in the house by
now.
In four days time, Bholu's paddy
field turned into a fairground. Two to
three hundred people were camped out there. Scientists and TV crews from all
over the world were busy at work. Having collected some money from the government,
Chandu and the villagers began constructing a temple close to the point of
interest.
The landlord whose field Bholu
was tilling received a hefty compensation from the government.
The scientists tied a rope around
the mysterious spot and cordoned it off from the public. 'The object here must
be an extra-terrestrial entity,' Kamarbandh told the reporters. 'What it is,
where it has come from…all this we must find out!'
'I have named this entity 'Kamarbandh
Bandhkamar',' he continued. 'We must crack open this closed capsule and see its
contents. To do this, we must lift it from here and take it to our laboratory
for further study.'
Hearing this, old Bhikumam
standing by with his hands behind his back cackled.
'How will you take away what is
not there!'
One of the scientists brought a
rope, but found nothing to tie it to.
Another brought a crane, but
there was nothing to lift.
They sprayed water on the ground.
Then they passed an electric
current through the spot.
And they subjected the ground to
all kinds of radiation and vibration.
But nothing changed.
Man could walk on that hallowed
ground as much as he liked, but no bull, dog or cat was ready to even sniff or
shit on that spot.
The whole world was shaken.
Newspapers blared the news; TV channels aired endless speculations.
Thinking the world was coming to
an end, some people left their homes and went into the forests.
The American President blamed the
Iranians for the incident and bombed them.
The schoolmaster took leave.
By the evening of the fifth day, two
thousand people had gathered. Donations flowed in for the temple and Chandu
danced back and forth to near exhaustion. That night, Chandu told Bholu to
guard the temple property and left him asleep on the temple's unfinished
veranda. By the time Chandu reached his own house, it was nearly dawn.
When Bholu rose at daybreak, he
saw his bulls sleeping soundly in the midst of all the ropes and machines and
cameras. On seeing the bulls there, the scientists ran to their screens.
'It's gone! It's gone!' they wailed.
On hearing of this, old Bhikumam
shook his head. 'How did what was never there go away!'
The villagers flocked to the
mandd, the sacred ground. They rejoiced that the Guardian had risen satisfied.
The pace of the temple work increased; a large amount of money had already been
raised; more poured in. Chandu bought himself a car, though he could not drive.
The scientists rolled up all
their equipment and left, deeply disappointed. The people who had retired to
the forests believing the world was coming to an end reluctantly returned home.
Dr.Kamarbandh received an
international award. He called a press conference to deny reports that he was
being considered for the Nobel Prize, thereby helping to spread the rumour
wider. The Goa government increased his salary threefold. His memoir entitled 'The
Pointless Inquiry of Kamarbandh' sold out in three months. He quickly got to
work on a new book, 'Fish Curry and Kamarbandh'.
On the little patch of earth that
Bholu once tilled, a grand new temple arose. At the inauguration, the chief
guest placed a garland of flowers around the necks of Bholu's bulls. They went
to garland Bholu as well, but Bholu was not at home, so they garlanded Bholu's
wife instead. Later in the night she placed the garland around Chandu's neck.
In the very next elections,
Chandu stood as candidate and was elected as a Member of the Legislative
Assembly. Bholu's wife went to live with him.
The chief committee of the Temple
of the Guardian declared that Bholu's bulls were holy. They were taken from
Bholu and thenceforth fed and clothed by the temple. Bholu would get up in the
mornings and begin fondling the bales of hay that had been left behind but were
no longer needed. He began roaming here and there. One day he disappeared.
Nobody bothered much.
But every Shivratri, when that
glorious religious festival rolls around, the temple rousers can be heard
chanting and singing:
Jai Bholanath. Long live
Bholanath. Long live…
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